I feel my wings have broken in your hands
I feel the words unspoken inside
And, they pull you under
And, I will give you anything you want
All my dreams are fallen down
Crawling around and around and around
Somebody save me
Let your warm hands break right through it
Somebody save me
I don’t care how you do it, just stay, stay
I’ve been waiting for you
I see the world has folded in your heart
I feel the waves crash down inside
And, they pull me under
I would give you anything you want, oh
You are all I wanted
All my dreams have fallen down
Crawlig’ around and around and around..
But for the most part, I do know people care about other people even if those are limited to a specific few. I know that I live in a place where people are able to love other people, want them to be happy and want to save them… sometimes, even from themselves. Suffice to say, all of us need help, and I have realized that it is easy to give help when that matter is concrete and specific; it is easy to help and be there when people are in need of something tangible. But it’s not always as easy when people need something truly important. When people need things that are immaterial, giving them help or what they need is ultimately automatically more difficult. This probably explains why I often have a strange affinity and a greater appreciation in gifts that were well thought-off and demanded one to place a lot of effort in making rather than in an expensive one. Early on, even as a child, love was only as good as what or how much I was given which is perhaps I resent it when people give me presents that cost a lot because appreciation and love for me does not have a price tag. Years of getting what I wanted in the more tangible aspect, taught me that most of the time ‘more expensive’ does not equate to more love attached. The same thing applies for the developed dislike I have for grand gestures. The sad thing is that sometimes, people (myself included), just need to know for sure that they are loved and that there is hope and happiness available to them from someone. This is the plot line of the life of a poor little rich girl… when you see them, believe me, you will know that contrary to how well behaved and dressed they are, you will find that ultimately, you’ve probably never seem someone with so many problems.
When you love a person and when you truly love them, it is only natural to want to give them a lot… my last boyfriend even came as far as promising to give me everything he had… (cue in John Legend’s melodramatic yet utterly sweet song All Of Me) which apparently in the end was a 30-minute phone call telling me he just doesn’t see any future with me. But when there is an impermeable brokenness that is inside a person that you love (or claim to love- trust me, I’ve learned not to use that term loosely anymore), what we have to realize is that what you give them may never seem to be enough. You try and you try and you will fail many times because as long as that person doesn’t get it, as long as they don’t make a choice to accept the love you give them and to know the concept of self-love…(for reasons that stem out of a life that has taught them and programmed them to think this way), they continue to be broken and will have a hard time to move past that brokenness. Surely, when you meet this person, you can automatically sense the common traits yet you choose to love them or at least try. Unfortunately and as is the usual case, the worst thing you can possibly do is leave them behind as it only reinforces the pre-programmed notions they already have accepted as their fate and reality. I am not discounting the fact that we are all humans and we are destined to be broken in some way or another. The world is full of brokenness and as hard as it is to swallow that concept- it is simply a fact of life. We do, whether intentionally or not, hurt each other so much with our words and actions and inaction… and of course we hurt ourselves. But there are some of us that learn to deal with this reality of life- we learn to fight through our brokenness (either due to pure willpower or via extraneous methods that will help)- we learn to be beautiful despite it and (better yet) become beautiful because of it and we learn somehow that despite all the difficulties that we face- to save ourselves. And hopefully, when we learned to do this against all odds, hopefully we try to save those around us.
Eventually, you will learn that you can’t save anyone no matter how hard you try because they will always revert back to their old ways. The sad fact that even if all you can do is love these people, let them be and pray that they at least be present for you when you need them… even this will seem like such a task and an imposition especially to someone who is not only broken but also selfish and self-serving. You will realize that you cannot save them; and they certainly won’t even bother to save you from your own brokenness… they might even add up to it, at worst.
At the end of the day, we all just have to save ourselves.
Blazer: Zara
God Save The Queen tank: Manic Vintage
Acid Wash Skinny Jeans: Ever New
Book Clutch: 37LA
Shoes: Go Jane
Crystal Necklace: Ever New