“She was a free bird one minute: queen of the world and laughing. The next minute she would be in tears like a porcelain angel, about to teeter, fall and break. She never cried because she was afraid that something ‘would’ happen; she would cry because she feared something that could render the world more beautiful, ‘would not’ happen.”
I know I may seem like an uptight control freak (which to some extent, I have to admit I am.) Unfortunately, I am one of those people who find lists and schedules and plans comforting… anything that I could get my hands on that would give me the semblance of being behind the wheel and calling all the shots is so appealing to me. However, recent events have proven that no matter how much you try, there is no such thing as absolute control when it comes to our lives. I always seem to learn the hard way… probably because I am stubborn or because old habits die hard but whenever life throws me a curve ball, I seem to always be in shock, like things not going as planned has never happened to me before. It’s actually quite silly, really. Here I am, getting used to a routine… it took a lot of adapting and adjusting but resiliency teaches me to learn-unlearn-go on with life so I don’t give up and just when I am finally on that zone where I feel like I am in a safe place, the rug is pulled from under and a complete set of circumstances presents itself and I am back to zero. I’d like to believe this happens to everyone and not just me since I find comfort in knowing the world isn’t purposely unfair in my favor only so hopefully you can somehow relate. Sometimes, I think it’d be better to be one of those “go with the flow” people for my own self preservation but it’s just not my personality although in the last few hours, I was wishing I was one of said personality types. Setbacks- making things tougher than they already are. And life always has more.
